It’s a long road to getting back to trusting yourself. I don’t think I realized that I didn’t for a long time. It wasn’t in obvious ways like not liking myself, or being skittish about making any decision. I know me and I like who I am. I also don’t have problems making snap decisions at work or for little things in my life. So it took me years to figure out that I really didn’t trust myself.
In fact, it became very obvious over the past 6 months.
I had to move from my previous apartment. I knew I wanted to change the area I lived in completely. I knew I was meant to move and further away from where I had been. There were a lot of reasons, but I knew it in my soul. I had moved from Georgia to Tennessee because I felt called to and I had a complete peace about it. I knew I was supposed to be there. But now I knew I needed to move again and I didn’t have the same confirmation. In fact, it was more like a gauntlet thrown down that I make a decision on my own.
I vacillated over and over again. I questioned my decision as each step was met with some kind of roadblock. And yet it felt familiar- this indecision. I had been here before. I had been here when I applied to film school back in the day and chose not to pursue it for a lot of reasons I convinced myself of. I talked myself out of attending college abroad in London, even after I was accepted. I talked myself out of moving states when I was in my 20s. The trend I began to notice was that whenever I came up against hard things, I talked myself out of pursuing them. I wouldn’t push through roadblocks. “It’s too hard,” was my mantra.
And here I was trying to do that again. But I kept feeling like I needed to push through. Even though I had no vision or idea of what I would do by making this move, I knew I had to face the hard things for once. Not the hard things that are thrust upon you by life, but the hard things you have to do if you truly want to do something with your life.
And why couldn’t I push myself past roadblocks? Why was it so easy to talk myself out of whatever goal or dream I had at the moment?
Because I didn’t trust myself. I didn't trust myself to make the decision.
There are two subtle things you may do in your life that will point you to knowing if you might just not truly trust yourself:
You never make decisions on your own about important life issues.
You talk yourself out of moving forward when the going gets tough.
If you do these things, think hard about why you do it. This could be a deeper root cause you may need to explore in order to move forward and grow, to find true happiness in life. I urge you to be honest with yourself. Ask yourself the hard questions- most of them starting with “why”- and give yourself true, honest answers. It could change your perspective and ultimately your life.
Let’s begin trusting ourselves a little more, shall we?
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