I have a hard time listening. It’s not that I don’t want to listen, I am listening when someone speaks, but I only like half listen. I always feel like I must have a reasoned ready the moment they finish. No matter the conversation, I feel like I need to have my comments scripted out in my head and ready to go right away. I’m not sure of all the reasons, but I think one of them is that my mind goes blank when I feel put on the spot. I freeze up especially around people I don’t know. It feels like I have something to prove.
So my active listening skills are very poor. It’s one thing I am working to do better at, and yet I relapse all the time. So why am I writing about active listening with you?
Because maybe you’re in the same place. Maybe we both need to work on this. So let’s take this journey together, shall we?
Some things I have learned are to do the following:
look at them while they speak, make eye contact
Listen to understand
Pause before you respond to then formulate your reply taking what they said into consideration
If I’m looking someone in the eye, I am more likely to listen than think about other things. I can’t hide my facial expressions very well so whoever sees me will know my mind is working if I think about other things when I’m supposed to be listening.
You may have heard the phrase “listen to understand”, but have you applied it to your listening skills? Listening to understand isn’t just listening to the words coming out of someone’s mouth, but rather listening for their intention, the meaning behind their words. In this way, you can ask thoughtful questions to clarify that not only show you are really listening, but will help you better understand what and how you might need to respond.
Then, take a beat. I have come to learn it is ok to pause and not respond right away. Pauses and moments of silence in conversation might make you uncomfortable like they have for me in the past. There can be many reason for this and you should probably sit down and think through why that is. Nevertheless, it will feel uncomfortable to do the many times you try it. But it does get easier and you do become more comfortable in the silent moments with practice.
What might be some other tips you use to practice active listening? Drop a comment below to share with others!
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